Connectedness

As I sit at my dining table working from home in Melbourne, in the early days of what appears to be a long icy winter on the way, I write with ongoing optimism and positivity about what the future holds. I’m an eternal optimist and always seek to be positive about everything, but as is the case for many, it has not been easy over the past couple of years.

Covid of course has had such a big impact on everyone. I would like to say it’s over but for some reason I don’t feel confident that it is, and I guess we all just need to keep going and hope that this horrible virus, and what we’ve all had to endure as a response to it, is going to be over soon. I was always hoping it would be like an instant start to Spring when the virus was over. Warm weather, flowers blooming etc immediately. But just like the transition from Winter to Spring, at least in Melbourne anyway, it’s quite gradual.  

Hence, we’ll just have to keep our heads up and power through until things are back to whatever normal will be in the future. For me, that is when we can travel freely, people don’t get so sick if they get Covid, and overall, we’re just in a much more positive and optimistic mindset.

As many others have been through over the past 2 years, I had a discussion with the company I worked with for almost 21 years in mid-2020. I had thought about a career change every now and then, but I loved my team in Hong Kong and wanted to continue to build the business, their futures and my career with them and the company.

I was working with a team of people who are so amazing. We all had such a strong purpose together. We cared for and looked after each other. If one fell for any reason, we would catch them. Anything was possible together and it was just a great environment to work in. Leaving a team like that was going to be one of the hardest things to do.

I realised though that given the changes in the company, restructures that many companies wanted to do at the time, and my thinking about what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life, it was time to take a new path and adventure.

The key question I asked myself was: Do I want to stay in this organisation and see how it goes, but perhaps wake up 10 years from now and realise I should have departed sooner, or take the move out now and reset for what I really want to do next for my life and career?

It's a fair question and something I knew would need to happen at some stage in my life anyway. 21 years in 1 company is pretty much unheard of, as is not having at least 1 big career change at some stage in your life.

I decided to move on, and for personal reasons, return to Australia after working overseas for more than 13 years. I have done all the things that everyone in a similar position would do. Speak to recruiters, update my CV and LinkedIn profile, apply for roles, network etc.

Although these are all good things to do, some of it becomes purposeless. Contacting recruiters cold for example, without a proper introduction, became one of them.

This brings me to one of my biggest learnings over the past 2.5 years. I was lucky enough to be connected to someone who has helped me so much both prior to leaving my previous company, and after departing and returning to Australia. I was introduced to Jon Burgess who is the Founder of KWAN, through a mutual friend. Jon spoke in a such a positive way about what he does, the future, and how paying it forward in every way, including doing this to create meaningful relationships and connections is so important, for every aspect of your life.

I spent time speaking with Jon since early 2020 about this and engaged him to run a session with my team in Hong Kong mid-way through 2020. He spent time with members of the team individually to understand them and help them know the importance of authentic and purposeful relationships. In addition, he found people that would be worthwhile connections for them and made the introduction, something they had not experienced before.

Jon spoke to me about the connections I had and who thought about me regularly and put me top of mind about the value I can bring to them and/or their company. When I really thought about it and was honest with myself, the list wasn’t as long as I initially thought it might be. I realised the ones that were on the list were those who I reached out to regularly, who I helped with what they were doing and who I showed respect for and appreciation to on a regular basis, along with those who were just great genuine people.

To quote Jon:

“ADVOCACY is an authentic and purposeful way to live your life and do business… consciously understanding who is important, why they are important, what is important to them and how you can remain relevant and top of mind with each other – this is the key to building sustainable, high-value authentic relationships.”

As I went through the decision to stay or leave the company, along with some personal circumstances I was going through, something interesting popped up on my phone. I have different apps on business, motivation etc as many people do, and a quote came up on my phone by Roy T Bennett, an author who wrote about positivity and living a successful and fulfilling life, saying:

“Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate and value you.” 

This was so important to me and resonated with what Jon was telling me also. Jon advocated to engage with people in an authentic and purposeful way and give more attention and focus on those who show you the same.

Jon kindly connected me with many people since we met. He got to know me and understood which connections would be valuable for me, and where I could add value to the people that he was introducing me to.

One person Jon introduced me to and who I respect so much is Margot Anderson who is the Founder of InSync Network Group. Margot and InSync Network Group support people who have lived overseas, to reconnect, collaborate and build mutually beneficial networks when they return home. I have found Margot’s advice, guidance, and support so helpful as I returned to Australia and continue to follow her approach today.

This is an example of how connectedness is so important. Without the connection Jon made for me with Margot, I would have come home and discovered the hard way that things were not the same as when I lived in Australia before. Australia is such an amazing country with amazing people, but the way things work, and business thinking has evolved, and it was so important for me to be aware of and pay respect to that. Something that Margot and Jon were so helpful in supporting me with.

My experience and learnings about connectedness over the past 2 years has also reminded me of learnings in my life so far, and advice that helped me along the way, that we sometimes forget as life gets busy.

I remember when I was probably around 10 years old, my parents put a lovely item on the wall near the dining table that read: “The world is our classroom”. It was a list of quotes from people of different ages with the sentence at the top saying: “I’ve learned that….”

Many of the quotes were easy and I understood them, others I didn’t but would learn later in life for sure. Some examples that stayed with me are:

• “I’ve learned that happiness is like perfume: you can’t give it away without getting a little yourself - age 59”
• “I’ve learned that in every face-to-face encounter, regardless of how brief, we leave something behind - age 45”
• “I’ve learned that whenever I decide something in kindness, I usually make the right decision - age 60”
• “I’ve learned that if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more - age six”

I found it interesting back then but even more now. Imagine pre-Covid times compared to now and just how much we’ve all learnt. So many changes, so many difficulties to work through and yet we’re coming out the other side and the world is getting back to being a bit more open and like it was before, with some positive changes like work from home and flexibility. I would imagine many of our “I’ve learned that….” quotes are different now from what they may have been in early 2020.

As I finished Uni and started full time work life, I was recommended a book to read called “Don’t sweat the small stuff” by Richard Carlson. I loved it and would recommend it, and his other works like “Don’t sweat the small stuff at work” to anyone. The premise is all about not worrying about little things too much and focusing on what’s important. Taking this approach will help you be more positive and a better person, colleague, boss, parent and so on. The author gives many examples and stories from his own experience that really resonated with me.

Some of the chapters I found I always returned to were:

• “Ask yourself the question, Will this matter in a year from now?” In almost every case where I was worried about something, the answer to this question was no, so I could move on quickly. When the answer was yes, either for me or someone else, I make sure I address it.
• “Remember the motto, you catch more flies with honey”. I like this as it really resonates and makes sense to me. Being nice, kind, and respectful for me is always the best option. Showing people this has resulted in better relationships and outcomes and something I feel helps me so much when making strong and positive connections.
• “Ask yourself the question, Am I making the absolute best of this moment?” This one is so important in every aspect of my life and one that I need to continue to focus on to do and be better. It can help with everything from spending time with my two beautiful children, to a work call, meeting a new client, helping someone who needs it, calling someone who I respect and appreciate, calling my family more regularly, and in creating new relationships and staying connected with great people.

When I think now about connectedness, I think about what it really means. I feel it means that you have something in common with another person, you believe and care about similar things, if you don’t always agree, you still respect the person for who they are. You have built trust with them, you can rely on each other, and ultimately you give each other the respect and appreciation you both deserve. Once you have this, even if just partially, anything can happen. Friendly catch ups, introductions, working together, starting new ventures together, relationships etc.

When I think about these learnings and advice, and overlay Jon’s approach to connectedness, I see why it’s so important and something that will continue to help me into the future. When I meet someone new, am I making the absolute best of the moment by understanding what they do, who they are, what we might have in common, how I can help them and how to build a strong relationship with them? For those I’m already connected with, am I making the absolute best of the moment by sending them a message, following what they’re doing, offering to help if they need it or even just having a catch-up coffee from time to time to keep in touch?

Since meeting Jon, the answer to these questions has become yes much more often. I have increased contact with many of those people who I respect, value, and appreciate. At the same time, if people don’t respond or don’t consistently show the same back, it’s probably better not to waste too much time trying and instead focus on those who do. I have found that my relationships are becoming stronger with the people I’m connected with, I’m increasing my contacts all the time with such good people, and I end up feeling happier and even more positive because of it.

I’m looking back at the past 2 years of my life feeling I’ve learnt a lot, but at the same time I look at my family, my friends, colleagues, and contacts, and realise I know and have met so many amazing people. I just need to stay connected with them, and to reconnect if it’s been a while between messages, meetings, coffee, or drinks.

Life is too short to waste time for sure, especially in today’s world, but at the same time it’s so important to show those people who do respect, value, and appreciate me that I feel the same about them, and more importantly, reach out to tell them that and continue to have and build strong, long-term, purposeful relationships.

The views expressed in this article are the views of the author. This article provides general information, does not constitute advice and should not be relied upon as such. Professional advice should be sought prior to any action being taken in reliance on any of the information.